Warning; I get personal here. This was hard to write, and if you’re reading this, I obviously chose to publish it. Be assured – publication was not a forgone conclusion when I began to write, and at a certain point (the point at which I’m writing this disclaimer), I was not entirely sure that I wasn’t just going to delete the entire thing. Read with caution.
There are two ways of approaching a problem in this world – God’s way, and the world’s way. To the seasoned believer this will be obvious, but non-trivially true. To the maturing believer, this will be somewhere between obvious and trite, with a side of fatuous thrown in, depending on their maturity level. To the nonbeliever, this will sound like religious mumbo-jumbo. (Bad news for my non-Christian readers – the level of mumbo-jumbo in this blog is only going to be increasing.)
There’s a fourth category, however, that I did not address above. To the carnal believer, this statement will be obvious, but trivially true.
Now, I use the term “trivial” here in a specific sense – in mathematics, trivial solutions are those solutions which have very simple structures. Without getting too far into the detail of why, trivial solutions to a problem are generally not useful in understanding the problem – while it is true that the definition of a circle (with apologies to any real mathematicians who might be reading; the set of all points [P] that are in the same plane and a specific distance r from a defined point) is satisfied by a single point (which means that r is 0), it doesn’t tell us anything about what a circle is.
Confused yet? No? Okay, cool – we’re about to add more to the mix. Glad you can handle it.
I’m not going to get into the reasons why, or the various issues surrounding it, but through a series of choices that seemed like a good idea at the time, willful blindness, and a heaping dose of self-deception, I’ve found myself at 31 with a gigantic collection of issues in my head revolving around sex and relationships, despite having a truly minuscule quantity of either in my past. It’s interesting to look at them through a lens of trust (shush. You know who you are), because where once (very recently) I would have said that they were essentially a giant undifferentiated mass of betrayals, deceptions on all sides, self-destructive patterns, etc., I can now point to specific breakpoints, specific things that I did wrong.
Every time I mention any of these things, I am given two forms of advice. From the one side; “Go out, have fun, meet people, get laid, demystify the whole thing, let yourself heal!” From the other; “Wait. Be patient. Guard your heart.” From the one side, a pattern that I know will lead to some sort of healing – given the nature of these issues, a lot of them would quickly be resolved by a bit of demystification. From the other, a pattern that reeks of Josh Harris and Rebecca St. James, and mostly makes me want to break things.
The fascinating part about the first piece of advice is that I have gotten it from believers MORE than the second piece of advice, especially as I have gotten older. There are times it’s tempting – times when I find myself considering the nature of grace, and what healing (even on worldly terms) might mean in my life…
All things are lawful, but not all things are profitable. All things are lawful, but not all things edify. Let no one seek his own good, but that of his neighbor.
1 Corinthians 10:23-24 (NASB) (biblegateway.com)
Awesome! All things are lawful! Where’s that phone number?
What shall we say then? Are we to continue in sin so that grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it?
Romans 6:1-2 (NASB) (biblegateway.com)
I use the NASB translation above, but in the title of my post I use the wording from the English Standard Version. When Paul asks if we should continue in sin that grace may abound, he is not just referring to the twisted logic that if a little grace is good, a lot of grace must be better. He’s referring to the thing that is at the core of many of the struggles believers (me most DEFINITELY included) seem to be having these days.
The evangelical church does an outstanding job preparing her children to live in a world populated only by the evangelical church. The blindfolds and fetters that are placed around many youth in the church often serve to do little more than increase their vulnerability to the blandishments of the world. The church says “thou shalt not”, and assumes that people will simply comply, regardless of the cost to themselves.
Obviously, most people don’t comply. I haven’t, certainly not in any sort of detail. Others have complied less. In a world where one is being told that it is good and right to reach out and pluck a fruit, and one can see the ease and seeming harmlessness of doing so, it is a REALLY dumb idea to simply tell people “no”, without ever telling them the why, or offering an alternative. And we wonder why our buildings are emptying.
I won’t rehash the splendid logic of Romans here, but the only conclusion that I can draw is that choosing expediency is the exact opposite of the choice to which we are intended to come.
If we are indeed to be salt and light to the earth, how then can we so enthusiastically adopt it’s patterns? Why do we behave as though the Church is nothing but a social club for Sunday mornings? Martyn Lloyd-Jones said “When the Church is absolutely different from the world, she invariably attracts it. It is then that the world is forced to listen to her message, though it may hate it at first.”
If I choose the route of healing that is the one recommended by the world, simply because it IS the one recommended by the world, I have decided that the promises of Scripture are nothing but wind. If I place my trust in my own understanding and in the solutions whose results I can see and understand, what meaning can God’s way have to me?
I don’t know if, when, or how God intends my personal issues to be healed, but I do know this – I shall not reject His promises in favor of expediency. I don’t have to understand it. I don’t have to see the end of the road. I don’t even particularly have to like it. I just have to do it.
Shall I seek healing in sin, that grace may abound? God forbid!